The pain of it all …

Cancer sucks. Even the website says so. It (almost) literally sucks the life out of the person with it, & hurts that person’s loved ones (ie. care givers) almost as much. The pain of it all is severe … debilitating … overwhelming … & just plain horrible. I hate it. I hate it more than I’ve ever hated anything in my life.

That’s my angry mother heart talking. My softer, more loving mother heart is saying something very different. My real mother heart is broken. Raw. Cut to the core.

As I’ve been home, looking after Darin’s every need this past week, I have tried to remain positive & strong. I’ve prayed without ceasing. I’ve cried. I’ve cried out to God for mercy & strength & healing & peace & calm through the storm. I’ve been mom-nurse (oh the slew of meds! Ugghhh), caterer (many meals in bed now) & encourager (through the dry heaves & a host of other things). I’ve watched our beautiful son struggle … & sleep.


The pain of it all … is unbearable at times. Dave & I are often at a loss for words. We are in uncharted waters. Many times we aren’t sure what to do next. His sweet sister Linda reminded me this week … “just one foot in front of the other” … so that’s what we do.

With power only God can give us, we soldier on. For Darin’s sake. We hold fast to what keeps us on this incredible journey, encouraged by family & friends rallying around us in incredibly meaningful & powerful ways this weekend. Thank you! All along the support has been amazing & that we believe, is God at work among us. A true miracle … & a fitting tribute to who Darin really is. Loved by God. Loved by us ❤




4 thoughts on “The pain of it all …

  1. My heart aches , for you . As a parent we never ever expect this for our dear children. And Cancer really does suck!!! No doubt about that.
    I continue to uphold your family in prayer. I know there are probably many days where you are feeling depleted and have nothing left. God’s strength will carry you through these deep valleys.
    Praying also for Darin and for peace, rest & comfort.


  2. Lifting Darin and your family in prayer and that the uncharted waters be calm and peaceful, that God’s peace and strength will surely be yours moment by moment. My heart breaks for you.


  3. I hear your pain. I pray for you and for your son Darin and for the family who loves him so. One foot in front of the other is all you can do right now. His battle is hard and it is so difficult to endure what he is going through. It’s hard to hear the words “Be Strong” at a time like this. “Be Present” is all you can do . Keep the faith.
    Cheryl Alpaugh


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